it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
