and you said cock pushups were impossible
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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