I wanna bring you to show and tell
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
