so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
