Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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