I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
