So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
