You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
