No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
