but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
