im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
