i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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