If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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