1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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