I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
