My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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