He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
