eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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