he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Bring me that man meat
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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