you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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