I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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