My liver just broke up with me...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
