she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
