I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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