so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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