who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
