I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
