the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
