also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
