i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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