My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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