omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
