mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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