Are we in a gay sports bar?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
