Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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