Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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