wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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