she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
