Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
