i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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