she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
