How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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