life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
