I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
