I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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