Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Success! We fucked roommates!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
