He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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