just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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