WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
