I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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